Hi (:
My name is Stella.
Seventeen candles on the 24th December '10. I ♥ cMusic, ROBERT PATTINSON, and my family friends.

DETERMINATION
is the rule.
you know you love me
xoxo


put a more detailed profile here. (:




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at 6:46 AM

29april 2010. English prelims.
28april 2010. Chinese prelims.
Sometimes, a optimistic way of viewing failure is to tell yourself you have done well.
Even the micheal jackson song Heal the World states if you really have try, you'll find there's no need to cry.
Recently, i;m kind of into some really great jokes. Annoying orange.you can view it on youtube... yup. its kind of, hilarious.
Well something has been bothering me, its the same old person... always the same person...
But whats different now is that i hold on to a different attitude in viewing things.
I find myself in agony not being able to understand whats the problem.
But now i do.
Though i don't really know how to deal with it...
But i'll just be myself. not letting anything negative influence affect me.
I will not be affected.
yup yup....  i  find myself improving... a lot.
Other's people unfortune has taught me smth- that i must value life because it is fragile.
And i told myself i must do 1 meaningful thing everyday.
i started off by extending kindness an concern for others...
In this society, i know that not many people is as fortunate as me,
i saw this particular old man selling tissues for weeks at woodlands for hours...
and 1 day after listening to a really meaningful talk, i went to the old man and bought some of the tissues.
spent around 2dollars ++
it's like my 1 cup of bubble tea. But to them perhaps its a package of rice?
I didn't really mind spending this money.
the old man repeadly thank me for that.. because he knows i want to help, he was grateful,
and i felt that i have really done something meaningful that day.
I have made a difference in some one's  life. i have been sending out positive radar, and i feel happy too. caring for others.
One of the topic that the inspiring talks did mention was balancing life.
When you have a problem fix it,
When you stop giving , you will stop receiving.
and this really enlightens me...
answer the question in my head that had been there for a while..
it also mention that jealousy is a wall that has to be destroyed.
yup yup... life is ever moving....!!


at 8:34 AM

Hello (: Dear diary!
Today's 23April, friday.
 wow, time flies fast enough, I last blogged on maybe.... last year?
Hahaha, alrights... let me sum up what had happened... so far...
Life's like a rollar coaster, a weighing scale.
It always balance. So what do i mean by that?
When one part of your life is empty, the other part will be filled.

For the past few months, i had been working like a dog, working off my ass to get the results that i want, to improve my self and to be the BEST.  Almost everyday i will go to woodlands library to study until 9pm, regardless of having the company of friends or myself.  i always try, never give up. If i know that i'm weak in something, i will find ways to improve it.  I began to understand myself more. I find myself sometimes behaving like an introvert, and now i'm looking for solutions to change my behaviour.  At times i find myself being tempermental with certain people and i do change my attitude too.

I earned a lost friend, i lost another friend, i try to catch up with all the great friends that don't really have the time to talk to me.  And i started to wonder why.
Why does all my friends, seem so distant?
Why does someone who treat me as a friend could hate me so suddenly?
Why do i shiver even before i'm up there talking?
Why am i so tired, so weak, or so useless, can't even wake up on time?
Why can't anyone understand that i need them at the moment they were about to go?

I begin to understand more things... that i have to live my life as my own, not for others, not even family,friends or boyfriend, it's for myself. I learnt to love certain people, bless certain people and pray for certain people. But sometimes i really don't understand certain things, or i just have the feeling that my parents will dislike it if i do certain things. I was held back by fear.
i felt like a weakling at times... there are moments which i really wished i was dead instead, but i was too gutless to even kill myself. i was thinking of self-mutating, but i didn't before i had a funny thought in my mind 'hey my skin is so beautiful why destroy it?' hahahs.  But that thought didn't really cheered me up as much i thought it would be. 

i found myself skipping school and being late to school more often. and that often antagonise my parents at times. i find them feeling disdain towards me-or more towards my attitude because they feel that it is unacceptable. When they pour so many negative comments at me i couldn't manage it well and ended up with overflowing tears. which actually disrupts my study mood for that day. Perhaps i couldn't help feeling worse, when i'm learning to be better. 

There are a lot of things going through in my head now, its quite textful for me to list everything out though... i'll just end here (: